Covid madness, dollar crisis, fuel shortages, crippling depression and yet…
Here I am, stuck at a crossroad, trying to figure out whether or not I should leave my country.
It’s funny how we keep being drawn to our homeland, no matter the circumstances. How we keep fighting to remain here a little longer, knowing all too well the only way to stay sane, help our parents and have the future we want is to pack our bags and leave.
Torn between parents and dreams…
It’s not that easy though, is it? Packing our bags and leaving.
It has been my dream for as long as I can remember, so why do I find myself hesitating, after all this time?
Brothers living abroad, parents living in Lebanon, then there’s me, caught in the middle.
How does one make up their mind?
How does one deliberately deprive their parents of the joy that is having their children next to them?
How does one leave them behind, being well aware of the fact that they are their only child left in this country?
I’m torn between having a future and being there for my loved ones.
Torn between being selfish and being caring.
…but forced to make a choice
I know what I want to do, I know what I have to do, and I know what I will do.
I also know these are all completely different things.
To leave or not to leave, that is indeed the question. A question that can’t seem to be answered.
I shall keep pondering over it.
I shall keep thinking about it on my way to university, on the seaside road, or on my flight to France next September.
I shall keep trying to find an answer as I adapt to my new life in a different country, a different college, a different environment.
Should you have an answer to this dilemma, I am all ears. In the meantime, wish me luck.
Thank you for voicing out loud the dilemma all young Lebanese are dealing with! To take the best decision in such cases, I suggest you follow your dreams no matter what it takes! Best of luck!
Thank you so much, I will do my best to listen to what my heart has to say 🙂
Thank you Mira for sharing with us your feelings! living in Lebanon is difficult and I hope one day we’ll be able to live normally in this beautiful country. Wish you the best!
I hope so too, thank you for your kind words Batoul!
Thank you Mira for sharing these thoughts that all Lebanese youth relate to so very much. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey, wherever you choose to go 🙂
Thank you Massa, I wish you all the best too and hope you find happiness wherever you go.
Tu exprimes très joliment ces pensées contradictoires qui nous traversent, Mira. Partir parce qu’on manque de courage, ou pour revenir en force et continuer à se battre pour nos vies et notre pays ? Laisser tomber nos familles, nos parents vieillissants qui commencent à avoir besoin de nous, ou être leur garant financier depuis l’étranger ? Beaucoup de questions qui restent sans réponses… En espérant qu’un jour, tout ira mieux…
Je l’espère aussi… Je n’arrive pas à trouver de réponse à ces questionnements mais j’espère que tu trouveras la tienne et que, quoiqu’il arrive, tu puisses trouver le bonheur.
Having two sisters who already left, I know how hard it must be for you to be standing at a crossroads. Leaving might be hard but look at it this way: you leaving isn’t forever. You will always have a home to come back to. And in the meantime, you will be doing what you love and what you’ve always wanted to do. You can do it! Good luck on whichever journey you choose to embark on.
I hope you’re finding ways to keep in touch with your sisters despite them living abroad, I know how hard it can be. Thank you for your words, it feels good knowing I have people supporting me.
Best of luck Mira!! It ain’t easy living in this country, I wish you all the best and I hope you end up happy cause that’s what really matters!!
Thank you Charbel, it means a lot. I hope you find your happy place wherever you go too!
So touching! Nobody could describe the Lebanese situation like you did. I wish you the best of luck Mira!
Sadly relatable. It’s even worse when you realize that every possible option is bittersweet. I think we somehow have to accept the fact that we have to adapt to living like a turtle, carrying our home on our back wherever we go…
It’s one of the things we do best, adapting.
J’ai versé ma larme… S’il y’a bien une personne qui peut te comprendre c’est bien moi ! Partir ou rester, rester ou partir et comment prendre la bonne décision… Quoi que tu décides, je te souhaite bonne chance !
Merci beaucoup Sabine, ça me réchauffe le cœur. J’espère que tu pourras également trouver une réponse, je sais que ce n’est pas évident.
Always follow your heart even though the decision will be difficult. For me, I can’t think about leaving my country despite everything that’s going on.
I hope everything goes back to normal as soon as possible and that you get to see the country you love at its best again.